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responding to:
so my comments are:
In the header: 'Destinations' sounds like a holiday so what about '3 Design Schools'?
In the Core Values paragraph: 'multi-national' sounds like we are talking about microsoft, bill gates and taking over the world. How about 'international'? Also we need a different word than 'sensitivity' because we are not the only people sensitive to cultural differences! Later, how about 'effectively' instead of 'efficiently'?
some grammatical corrections: MEDes graduates share a motivation for personal development, an openness to opportunities and challenges, and a passion for design.
Visions for the MEDes paragraph: can we call this 'Aims of the MEDes' as 'visions for' and 'visions of' are very confusing? Also I was told that this title is quite obscure and unclear. 'aims' or 'objectives' is probably better to describe all the things we want to do in the near future as listed.
Visions of MEDes paragraph: Firstly, it's 'Visions of the MEDes' Don't forget the 'thes': The Master of European Design... And there should be an 'and' before adaptive. 'which can benefit us as a global community.' HOW??? eg. by using our network to share knowledge and skills in business... etc...
My Final comment suggestion would be to change the order of the paragraphs so that it would be: Core values, then the vision and then the aims.
What does anyone else think? If we can discuss and agree on some of the points then I will keep updating the above statement, and in that way we will hopefully come to a statement that is more finalised for this years MEDes.
Joanne
11 months ago